Death Note: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
by MidnightSakuraBlossom and SYD
Summary: Not even the Death Note cast can avoid those cringe-worthy embarrassing moments life throws their way...it's very unfortunate. Or Hilarious. Or both! DISCONTINUED
1. 1, Light: Caught In The Act

**A/N: At long last...I finally stopped being doubtful about the idea, and wrote this Death Note fic! ^_^ I know I have...er...several other stories for Naruto, and some other fic about a game, still being in progress. But seriously, this idea has been bothering me for TWO freaking MONTHS! I do like Death Note, I know I'm one for action...but I do tend to enjoy a little crime, mystery, and whatever else the series is. :) It's really good in my opinion, the ending to the anime could have been MUCH better though. And I had a few characters I didn't really like much (*Clears throat and glances at Light*). However, I think it was still good, once L died...that kind of made me lose a little interest in the series; he so made the show interesting...**

**Anyway, so I do like Death Note, but there is other anime I like better. I feel as though I should at least write one fic for it, to IDK spread the love I guess. *Shrugs shoulders* I may write more Death Note fics...it just depends on my mood.**

**Sorry about the LONG explanation. -_-' Anyway...I'm not sure how long this fic will go on...because it's mainly a lot of little stories that have no relation to each other. These are little drabble-things with various characters (mostly L and Light)...although some will be kind of longer than others. *Raises a finger, as if gesturing to some invisible sign* If the short little stories are related to each other (-Like...a two-parter or something-), then I'll mention that in the A/N! :) This isn't a..."chaptered" story. All the little stories will mostly be separate. If this was confusing...PM me and I'll try and explain this MORE CLEARLY! -_-;**

**Oh, and most of the characters will definitely be OOC at some point! That's what makes these stories funny after all! ;) If they are OOC at some point, well...bitch about it if you MUST, but it won't get any of us anywhere...*Sighs* Alright, alright! I'm sorry if anyone's OOC! God! :(**

**Er...enjoy the fic. :) Feedback would make my day and that smiley face right next to the first statement would become reality...but I'm not begging.**

**Disclaimer: ...DO YOU REALLY THINK I _OWN_ DEATH NOTE? IF I DID, L WOULDN'T HAVE DIED! ...I don't own the anime/manga series, seriously. -_-'**

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_**Death Note: A Series Of Unfortunate Events**_

_**1: Light: Caught In The Act**_

It was quiet. Really quiet. And when we say "quiet", we mean: it's so quiet that one could assume everyone in the entire HQ has unexpectedly died. Hmm...no, that assumption couldn't be true...yet. Until, Kira was at it again, Light Yagami randomly thought as he tore his eyes sore eyes away from the computer screen before him.

His eyes were hurting like _hell_. Oh...when was the last time he had gotten to get away from those screens in the dark and rather depressing room? Let's see...that was about _twelve freaking hours ago_.

"_If Ryuzaki doesn't take off these handcuffs and allow me at least ten seconds away from this USELESS surveillance, I am going to frigging SCREAM._" Light Yagami thought, giving the man sitting/crouching in the chair next to him a glare. But then he inwardly took a deep breath and, in a badass fashion, collected himself. "_No...I wouldn't SCREAM, but damn it, I'll do it if my eyes continue feeling like they're on FIRE! Why does he INSIST on this? And why the hell does he look so calm? Doesn't his eyes ever get dry and irritated from this?_"

"You seem rather vexed..."

As if he were inside a manga, an angry vain appeared onto Light's head. He clenched his teeth and then turned around to look at L, who was staring at him intensely.

"Oh, I overshot that a LONG time ago..." Light muttered, hoping that L had heard him. But it didn't seem like it all, so he inwardly sighed. "Why are we doing this? You sent everyone else out to get groceries; your sweets, and you're forcing me to sit here and _stare_ at an OBVIOUSLY innocent _old woman_ on a park bench!"

L just stared at Light, until he had calmed down and was through the rant. His rant made his suspicions of him being Kira rise quite dramatically...like always. Once the "vexed" teenager calmed down, L simply shook his head a little bit.

"That woman _could_ be Kira, Light-Kun." L simply stated. This caused Light to glance away and roll his eyes.

"HOW the hell could she be Kira? Look at her: she's got to be at least eighty, and she's got to be blind because she's wearing sunglasses and it's very cloudy outside!"

L tilted his head slightly. "So...what are you hinting at?"

"We are WASTING time, Ryuzaki! She's obviously not Kira, and what gave the impression she was anyway?"

"I had previously sent out Matsuda to set up a camera in the park, that is when I saw her; and _only_ Kira would be that sensitive to the light outside."

Light actually facepalmed at that moment while L reached over and almost mindlessly grabbed a piece of cake nearby and stuffed it into his mouth before looking back at the camera.

"Well I still say this is useless. And you haven't allowed me to have any real freedom since you handcuffed us together..."

"Is that what you are vexed about? I concluded a high percen-"

"Yes! My eyes are KILLING me from staring at these screens for TWELVE HOURS, my stomach is growling like a BEAR, my mouth is unhealthily dry, and I'M PRETTY DAMN SURE I'M GOING TO HAVE A KIDNEY DISEASE IF I DON'T-"

"Light-Kun, there is no reason to raise your voice at the particular moment." L interrupted through a mouthful of cake. It actually came out like this: "Lightbun, thess no reasy, voiceatapartu nom."

Okay...Light was about to completely snap. If Ryuzaki did not allow him at least a few minutes away from computers and himself, he would write his OWN name in the Death Note and give himself a heart attack. But he then noted that he couldn't do that...he still had a few things left to do and accomplish in the mixed up world he was wrapped up in. Suicide...that was just the _easy_ way out.

Light collected himself again and got L's attention by gesturing to those damned handcuffs that trapped them together. "Can you at least let me go for a few minutes?" L gave him a suspicious look. "I'm going to DIE here in this chair if I don't get get some moisture back in my dried out eyes, eat, drink something, and use the restroom."

L had finished eating the entire cake by the time Light was done pretty much literally pleading for freedom. He gave it some thought, and then came to a very spontaneous conclusion.

"Then that means Kira is at it again...now he is out to kill people the _old-fashioned_ way: torture..." Light facepalmed again after L said that, WHEN was he going to get through to him? "In this moment, _your_ percentage of being Kira has gone down very slightly, Light-Kun. In return: the old woman's percentage has gone up by five percent, she obviously likes things the _old-fashioned_ way after all."

Light now had his hands clenched tightly into fists, veins were forming on them and his teeth were violently being crashed against each other. "RYUZAKI! THIS WOMAN ISN'T KIRA! JUST LET ME GO FOR A FEW MINUTES!"

L was not at all caught off-guard by Light's sudden outburst. Once again, the percentage raised again and he gave Light the blankest look one could possibly achieve. The enraged teenager was panting from the outburst and glaring at him. And then L spoke again, as he reached into his loose jeans pocket and pulled out a key that seemed to glow with beautiful music in the background.

"Why didn't you just say that before?"

Light's eye twitched repeatedly.

**[:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::]**

"_At least he FINALLY let me free from being trapped with him for a few minutes. But I STILL can't believe he's come to the point of suspecting the most random people to be Kira!_" Light thought as he took the elevator back up to another floor.

L had finally allowed Light to be free from the handcuffs for a short time. But he didn't like the idea though, Kira could have been lurking anywhere and he still was very much convinced Light was Kira; the outbursts really gave it all away.

Light was even more annoyed that he only got a "ten minute" break away. But he accepted that anyway, and had splashed some water in his burning eyes, used the restroom, drank some kind of cola he found in the fridge, and ate a few potato chips along the way. Now that the elevator stopped at the floor, he left and then continued going for his destination.

"_This world really isn't fair..._"

Light dragged himself out of his thoughts and then absentmindedly glanced around. He noticed that he wasn't at the room, he was actually by the temporary room he'd been given at the HQ (because L declared he wouldn't let Light free just yet, and _had_ to be with him 24/7). Well...maybe Ryuzaki could wait a little while, right? Besides, he was very stressed and annoyed at the moment...maybe he could loosen up a little.

An idea came to Light's mind. He smirked a little and then walked into the room towards a radio he had on the table next to the Death Note. He glanced around in a paranoid fashion and then realized he _was_ alone for the moment. He wouldn't ever have another good chance to loosen up a little. Hey, he wasn't always so badass and perfect! Light quickly put in some music and then walked over and shut the door as the music started up.

And he did secretly like the song. He was so into it that he started to dance around a little. As he danced, however, he begun to strip off his clothes as if he were a stripper...

**[::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::]**

Back in the surveillance room, L had just finished drinking some tea and as he watched the old woman on the camera fall asleep on the bench. He still watched her intensely, even though he also was counting down the time Light has been gone. Strangely Light hasn't returned, and the ten minutes had already past by.

Now L was suspicions again.

"Hmm..." L put his finger to his mouth and then set down the empty cup. "It's been 12.1 minutes and 3 seconds... I guess I should go search for him.

The sweet-obsessed detective then got up out of the chair from his crouching position and then stood up with slouch, he walked out of the room.

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Where the hell was Light? What could he possibly be doing when they had to be alert and ready with the Kira Case? It almost seemed as if he didn't care about the case. And if Light didn't care, that obviously meant that he was indeed Kira.

L took the elevator to another floor; where him and Light's temporary room was. After resisting the urge to go crazy and press every button in sight, he took the elevator to the floor, stepped out, and continued his way. Maybe Light was in the room?

"I wonder where-" L was cut off by some loud music blasting from the room. He noticed he was standing by the room and then walked a little closer and listened in.

He could have sworn he heard music, and he also heard the sound of someone's feet hitting the floor, probably dancing. He also heard some singing...it strangely sounded like Light; but a little more eviler and laced with insanity.

L was suspicious to that. So he lightly grabbed the door with his pale hand and opened it _almost_ all the way. He stood there in the doorway and blankly stared at the sight before him: Light was dancing to the song, his back was turned to him but he was wearing no shirt and only his pants that were beginning to slip a little and reveal his underwear. L was certain he was holding something, substituting the item as a microphone and singing into it. Now, L could have said something, but he wanted to get a good luck at the teenager's weird moment as he started singing:

"_**End of passion play, crumbling away...**_

_**I'm your source of self-destruction...**_

_**Veins that pump with fear, it's sucking darkest clear...**_

_**Leading on your deaths' construction...**_

_**Taste me, you will see...**_

_**More is all you need!**_

_**Dedicated to how...I'm killing you...**_"

L crossed his arms and tilted his head a little bit. Light continued dancing, unaware of his sudden audience of one.

"_**Come crawling faster...**_

_**Obey your master...**_

_**Your life burns faster...**_

_**Obey your master, master...**_"

Light still continued to sing, way too into the song. He still was not aware of L's presence and pretty much danced all the way over to the bed, his pants almost completely off.

"_**Master of puppets, pulling your strings...**_

_**Twisting your mind, smashing your dreams...**_

_**Blinded by me, you can't see a thing...**_

_**Just call my name, I'll here you scream...**_

_**Master, master!**_

_**Just call my name, I'll here you scream...**_

_**Master, master!**_"

L put his finger to his mouth when he heard those last lyrics. Light continued to dance around, having a great time for once in his life. But hey, from what he knew, nobody was around to see it! His pants slid off to the floor, revealing dark red boxers. This made L ponder something...dark red...the color of blood; fresh blood pouring out of a wound of a victim...of Kira...

"_**Needlework the way, never you betray...**_

_**Life of death becoming clearer...**_

_**Pain monopoly, ritual misery...**_

_**Chop your breakfast on a mirror...**_"

Light, in the middle of dancing, went back to the center of the room and then whirled around to face the door: that's when he opened his eyes and then they widened dramatically as he noticed L standing in the doorway watching the whole thing. He stared in bewilderment and dropped the toothbrush he was using as a microphone.

L, meanwhile, was still looking extremely blank as he leaned in the doorway. His blank eyes showed brief emotion: maybe either amusement or surprise, Light was just too stunned to read them.

"...H-how...when did you...I..." Light realized speech was impossible at the moment, he furrowed his eyebrows together as his face burned a little in humiliation and turned off the radio before looking back at L, who has pointing an accusing finger at him.

"I was right. You _are_Kira." L declared in that blank voice of his.

Light was stunned even more. "What? HOW am I Kira?"

L had been analyzing the entire moment while he watched Light's...unexpected performance. And he had come to the conclusion rather simply.

"_Only_ Kira would have a singing voice like that, and enjoy a song about death and someone's life being in control by another."

Light rolled his eyes. "Ryuzaki, the song is about freaking DRUGS..."

"Then not only are you Kira, but you are also dealing illegal drugs to minors!"

Light just gaped at that conclusion. Okay...he REALLY didn't want to know how L came up with that one. Before he could speak again, L whipped out his cellphone at a blinding speed and then dialed a number before delicately holding it by his ear with a finger.

"Yes...listen Watari, the Kira case is officially closed. I have accurate proof that Light is Kira, and dealing illegal drugs. Hurry back to the headquarters with everyone else in no less than five minutes...and make sure all the sweets get placed somewhere safe; I don't want Kira to escape and taint them with his _foul_ illegal drugs."

Light couldn't hear Watari's reply. But L nodded afterward and then turned off the cellphone before stuffing it back in his pocket and quickly stepping out of the room as Light tried to figure out what the hell just happened.

"Ryuzaki-"

Light was cut off by L slamming the door. From the outside, L had decided to take drastic measures and handcuff himself to the doorknob; preventing a still-stunned and humiliated Light from opening the door and "escaping" until the rest of the team arrived for backup.

"RYUZAKI! OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR! I AM NOT KIRA!"

"Being in denial won't get us anywhere." L replied in his monotone voice, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a box of candy. "Justice will prevail eventually..."

"RYUUUUUZAKIIIIII!"

So...even though it was in a weird way, this odd story got wrapped by everyone else at the HQ bursting in like a SWAT team...well...except for Watari; Watari went to hide the huge piles of L's sweets in a safe location.

Light was arrested for being discovered as the serial killer, Kira, and for also "dealing illegal drugs". Mr. Yagami was shocked when he discovered his son was a criminal, but then he got over it immediately when L reminded him that their tough and exhausting work with that case was closed. Everyone else celebrated and went out drinking.

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Now that their work was over, it was late into the night and L was poking around in the temporary room he and Light shared. He walked up to the Death Note still lying on the table, but discarded the idea of it being suspicious, besides: the case was closed.

"_Hmm...I didn't realize this morning I would discover my suspicions of Light were correct. But what bothers me is: I never did find any of his illegal drugs._" L thought as he walked over to the edge of the bed and sat/crouched on it. "_Oh well. At least it's all over, and I do not have to suffer through Light's rather annoying whining and complaining. I...I only let him slip away for ten minutes because I was about to lose my mind._"

And so...on a final note: the day was full of rather unfortunate events for Light, but great events for L.

Upon realizing all that, the corners of L's lips twitched until a cute/mischievous smile formed.

_**End.**_

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**Um...yeah, I really don't know. ^^' This was so random and strange, but I strangely had a little fun writing it. Even though...it sucked, right?**

**Well, let me know how the first little story was. As the very first story, I decided to make it a little bit longer than planned; mainly because of the song I included. This entire fic is about little stories like this, and this one will have NO relation to the next one!**

**The song Light was singing was Master of Puppets by Metallica. And I'm certain the song is about drugs...and I'm not so certain about how L was convinced he was a drug-dealer. ^^'**

**Anyway, I hope this was fine. Feel free to tell me your thoughts: I could use the criticism...even though it may sting...I can handle it...seriously. Oh, and if you want: feel free to suggest ideas for little stories that include unfortunate events for the characters. Because...I could get writer's block and could take FOREVER to recover: we wouldn't want that at all! If you are interested in suggesting an idea: it can be with ANY Death Note character...mostly L and Light though. But the idea has to fit under the comedy genre...or it could be a mix of drama wit h comedy...angst with comedy...romance, ect. :)**

**I am honestly not sure when I'll update. However, I'll try to soon!**

_**Read and review. ;)**_


	2. 2, The Results Of Eavesdropping

**A/N: I'm...back! *Insert dramatic music here* time for the next little one-shot; which has NO relation to the previous. You could say it stands alone...almost, but not really. -.- Anyway...I forgot to mention with the previous story: it was supposed to take place during the time L and Light were handcuffed together...but after playing around with it, the timeline got a little screwed up. In THIS story: it's supposed to take place during the time Light loses his memories of the Death Note. But it's...almost a little alternate from the canon story. *Sweatdrop* Ugh...just read and ask questions in your review! (Damn it, why can't I explain anything? -_-)**

**Oh, and this one includes appearances from Misa and Matsuda, Light's father and Watari are briefly mentioned as well. And once again, this story is kinda random for the most part; there's supposed to be some suggestive dialogue in here, implying...some dirty things. However, unfortunately, my mind wasn't in the gutter when it NEEDED to be...even after reading some random Naruto lemon fanfic. -_-' Ugh...I had to wing it with the suggestive dialogue, that's why it probably sucks.**

**Anyway, I hope this one's at least amusing anyway. ^^' This is it's little summary I made up on the spot: _They say curiosity kills the cat, and the overly-curious Light Yagami and Matsuda are about to find that out when they pass by one of the room's in the HQ and overhear some "questionable" dialogue between L and Misa. What will happen? An Embarrassing awkward moment of course! XP_**

**...Yes...IDK WHY the hell I made that summery. That might just prove how very bored I am at the moment. :)** Um...**the characters are probably OOC, don't freak out. *Innocently whistles and carefully slides a baseball bat from behind my back***

**Disclaimer: *Sighs* If you think I own Death Note, you'll be shocked when I say this: I don't own the anime/manga series. I never will.**

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_**Death Note: A Series Of Unfortunate Events**_

_**2: The Results Of Eavesdropping**_

It all started off as a pretty normal day for one of the young men on the task force trying to catch the serial killer, Kira. Who was this young man? Oh, nobody actually cares much, but his name is Matsuda (I'm not bashing him, I do like Matsuda; he's cute!).

Normal days for him were in this order: wake up _very_ early at an unreasonable hour, get a quick breakfast, go out and get coffee for everyone else, being sent out on small errands, and then do a lot of work by the computers; trying to help everyone on the force by hopefully finding useful information leading to the discovery of who Kira was.

Matsuda smiled a little and then glanced down at a watch that randomly appeared on his wrist for no apparent reason. He noticed that it was about noon. ...Wow, time passed _freaking slow_ for him! But he was used to it.

"_Let's see...I need to go and get those papers for Mr. Yagami. Did he say they were in the meeting room, the main bathroom, or...the that old basement under the building I became ultimately traumatized by when I was locked in it for ten hours last month?_" Matsuda thought, trying to remember where Soichiro told him the important papers would be. When his mind drew a blank, he facepalmed and stumbled back to the wall.

"HOW could I forget so quickly?" Matsuda asked aloud, annoyed with himself. "Oh, I'm just going to be even more of a 'burden' for the force if I keep letting little chances like this to prove I am useful slip through my fingers! Those papers...I could tell by that grim expression he wore, they were needed...and I completely forgot where they were! I hate this! I don't want to be yelled at and see Mr. Yagami's grim expression again! UGH! It makes me want to GAG! Doesn't Light ever get a disturbed feeling from that _face_? And THEN I'll see Ry-"

"Are you alright?"

Matsuda looked up, he saw a rather disturbed Light staring at him. It just occurred to him that he was ranting his feelings about the situation _outside_ his thoughts. His face flushed slightly and he quickly ran his fingers through his dark hair and pulled his jacket back over his shoulders in a failed attempt at looking calm and cool about the situation.

"Alright? Oh, I'm fine!" Matsuda assured, waving his hand dismissively for emphasis.

Light was not convinced. It was SO easy to see through the man sometimes. "You lost those papers my father was talking about, didn't you?"

Matsuda sighed and avoided the teenager's dark brown eyes locked on him.

"...Yes..."

"Follow me, Matsuda. I know where they are."

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The papers were very important, they contained useful information that just might help undercover some things about the people most-expected to be Kira. It was hard work to obtain the information: it took quite a lot of time. And Matsuda just knew Soichiro Yagami would be convinced he wasn't really a burden for them, it was a chance to make up for the incident the previous week that involved Matsuda and a really messed up attempt at fixing the down computer (he ended up starting a small fire and burned L's boxes of candy that were left on the desk).

Maybe if he could give him the important papers without some kind of disaster occurring, he could actually get a little praise for once and make everyone see he wasn't that much of an 'epic failure' as Ryuzaki had labeled him because of the computer incident. Matsuda smiled a little at the sudden thought. Yes...that would be great for at least once.

Light glanced over at him, but he didn't say a word. He just continued to lead the man to the room he remembered last seeing those papers in. Finally, after taking the elevator a few floors, they arrived at the meeting room; which strangely was closed.

Matsuda and Light blinked repeatedly upon seeing the door was closed tightly. They couldn't open it either. That was odd, because the door was usually always open even during the brief little meetings everyone would assemble.

"Is there someone in there?" Light inquired. He thought for a minute and gestured to the door. "Stick your ear to the door and listen in."

Matsuda nodded. And he wordlessly walked up the door and pressed his ear against it. That's when he heard a familiar female voice mumble something and whine childishly. He knew right away how it was: Misa Amane, the popular model/idol briefly staying at the headquarters for the time being. At first, he didn't know why she would be in there; it was strange that she wasn't around Light.

"Can you not whine?"

And then Matsuda's ears perked up at the second voice: the extremely mysterious monotone that belonged to the sugar-addicted detective, L. Why would L...wait, Matsuda mentally facepalmed and tried to get it right...why would _Ryuzaki_ be in there with Misa?

Light immediately took notice to Matsuda's confusion. He got closer to the door and pressed his ear against it too. Both of them heard Misa whine again, and then the sound of heels hitting against something.

"Come on! Let Misa-Misa SEE it!"

"No."

"Aw~! But you let everyone else see it, hell, even Watari!"

"I'm busy, Misa."

Matsuda and Light exchanged confused looks. Light then mouthed the words: "What the hell does she want to see so badly?"

"_Ryuzaki-kun_..."

Okay...WHY was she using a sexy tone? There was no way he would fall for that, Light noticed. His analyzing was interrupted by some shuffling sounds from inside. Then there was a bang and a brief gasp from L.

"...Why are you getting so close? I can't see any-"  
"Let Misa _SEE_ it!"

"If I let you see it, will you let me get back to work?"

"YES!"

"...Alright. Here."

Then another shuffling sound, and then heeled boots hitting the floor. Misa gasped, Light was certain she might have had sparkles in her eyes at the moment.

"Ooooh! So _big_! Much bigger than Light-Kun's, that's surprising..."

Light promptly lost all the color in his face. And Matsuda wore a shocked look as he pressed his ear even closer to the door.

"Yes...I guess so. But there are bigger ones."

"Ryuzaki...Misa didn't know you could possibly have a good one, but I shouldn't be too surprised after all. What, with your experience!"

"I suppose..."

"C-can I touch it? It's so amazing..."

"You act like you have never seen one before."

"Oh, I've seen big ones before. But...yours is SO _tempting_ to touch!"

Matsuda now had a nice scarlet color dusting over his face, and Light was still very pale and his eyes were getting wider by the minute. What the hell were they doing in there? And just what was "so amazing"?

There was another coo from Misa as L mentioned she could touch it just for a few seconds. She must have accepted because she started screeching like a happy fangirl.

"Oh my! Misa never knew it could feel so hard and capable...um...could Misa...um..."

"...Test it?"

"Yes!"

"I don't know. I really need to get back to work with the Kira case, and this is wasting time."

"But Misa wants to see how strong it really is! Come on, I never get these kind of moments with Light-Kun!"

"Well...that's pretty much true, at least." Light muttered under his breath, still shocked by all they were hearing from the room.

Matsuda on the other hand, almost anime fainted when he heard some more shuffling, a gasp, a quick click, and a fit of bubbly giggles.

"...Oh...it's so hard and strong!"

"I think it needs to go more deeper though...can you move just a few meters closer."

"Of course."

Then a bang.

"OW! Ryuzaki! That hurt!"

"It's too deep then..."

"Oh...ack! It's stuck!"

Light's eyes widened again, and Matsuda's mouth had formed an 'O' while his face burned.

"W-what now?"

"This is a bad predicament...try to pull away, but not too hard."

"Okay..."

Then another bang and a gasp from Misa.

"It's still stuck!"

"We have to get out of this situation before it's damaged. I think I hit my head on the desk and there's a five percent chance Kira had something to do with that."

"Forget about frigging Kira! LOOK at the predicament we're in!"

"Don't yell. Let me think...if we both pulled away at the exact same time, the pressure could release it. But you will have to be strong."

"Okay...let's try that!"

Light and Matsuda were officially freaked out at that moment. Oh...several various scenarios were floating through their minds. What made it completely stunning though, was the fact that it was _Misa _and _L_! Wasn't that kind of unlikely?

"Maybe we should...get the hell out of here and come back later..." Light commented, a sudden bang and a cry in pain hitting his ears.

"No...no...no we need to make they're really...doing _something_ in there..." Matsuda replied, pretty much tripping over his own words. They came out kind of hoarse and quiet.

"Ow! S-stop pulling! Those were expensive!"

"...I can't seem to find a way to get out. As the events stand at the current time: we have a 90 percent chance at being stuck for a while, an 80 percent chance that someone will find us and help, a 5 percent chance that my coffee is as cold as ice, and a 30 percent chance we can combine our logic and find a way out."

"..."

"I knew I should not have given you a look. Maybe...maybe I could reach over to the table and contact Watari; he might be able to do something."

"WATARI? But...but this is an embarrassing situation...Misa doesn't want anyone to find out we did this! Do you have any idea about what the TABLOIDS would say?"

"...The tabloids...hmm..."

Light and Matsuda both jumped a few inches off the ground when they heard a slap.

"PERVERT! STOP READING THOSE FREAKING TABLOIDS ABOUT MISA-MISA!"

"...I do not view the tabloids; I confiscate them from Matsuda and then burn them. Oh, that does not make me a pervert at all."

"JUST PULL AGAIN! GOSH! IT'S PUTTING TOO MUCH PRESSURE ON ME!"

"That's...that's it..." Light put his hand on the doorknob and got a good grip on it. "I'm bursting in there and finding out just WHAT they're doing..."

"Wait!" Matsuda frantically grabbed Light's arm and pulled him back. "We need to find out if...they ever get unstuck."

They put their ears back against the door. Sweat was trickling down their foreheads and dramatically falling to the floor. They heard some grunts and cries, finally another bang, then some shuffling, and a big gasp from Misa.

"What happened, Ryuzaki-San?"

"...It's out, but I think I see a large dent."

Matsuda promptly turned tomato red and grabbed the door so he wouldn't pass out. And Light was ghostly pale as he muttered something about 'weird on so many levels'.

"Ooooh...sorry. But at least we're free! Damn...Misa will know better next to time not to check out yours ever again. It might be hard, strong, and attractive, but Misa is going to stick to Light-Kun again!"

"Whatever. Now, let's get off the floor."

"Yeah...I'm drenched and sore...and I somehow feel a little violated"

There was some shuffling sounds again. Then the sound of someone walking to the door and twisting the doorknob to open it. Light and Matsuda, although still freaked out, flinched and backed away from the door just as L and Misa opened the door completely.

"AHH!"

"Hmm? What are you two doing out here?"

Light and Matsuda just stared in total shock: L and Misa were both standing in the doorway...fully clothed with curious looks in their eyes. There was a brown stain on Misa's wine-colored jacket, and had a visible dark bruise and cut on her right wrist. L looked pretty normal, but he his right wrist also had a bruise and slightly bleeding cut. He was also holding a pair of _big_ and _hard_ looking handcuffs with a dent in them.

"Wha...uh...w-w-what do you mean WE?" Matsuda gasped out, his face getting more and more redder by the minute.

"What the hell were you two doing?" Light finished, gesturing to the handcuffs in the detective's hands.

L and Misa glanced at the handcuffs. Misa blinked innocently and gave Light a puzzled look. L just shrugged his shoulders.

"Misa wanted to see these handcuffs and try them on. However, they got stuck." L explained, he then gestured to the dark bruise on his wrist, it really stood out on his pale skin. "I didn't have the key with me at the time, so we tried to break free...but we just failed terribly and Misa knocked over my coffee on herself."

Misa giggled a little, unaware of Matsuda and Light's stunned expressions. "What did you think we were doing?"

Speechless and horribly stunned, Matsuda just fell to the floor unconscious. And Light just backed slowly...until he turned around and broke out into a sprint.

Misa put her hands on her hips, eyeballing the dust cloud Light left behind.

"...And you call _me_ a pervert..." L commented, with absolutely no tone whatsoever. He never lost his usual blank expression.

Misa just blinked repeatedly and then crossed her arms.

She just realized that her poor Light-Kun and Matsuda got owned in a weird point of view. Overall: it was a really unfortunate day...

_**End.**_

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**And if you're wondering: Light and Matsuda misinterpreted the situation completely, they thought L and Misa were doing something sexual, when they really only got stuck together by the tight handcuffs. IDK HOW they thought that one. Let's just say that...they need to stop reading hentai manga and get their minds out of the gutter. ;) And it looks like L caught on to what they thought.**

**Anyway, this story probably sucked. But it was the only idea could think of at the time under the theme I came up with: _misinterpretation_!**

**Let me know what you think anyway, and sorry if it was rushed. ^^' I'll try to update soon, but I really don't know when that will be.**

**Read and review!**


	3. 3, Mello's Morning Surprise

**A/N: FINALLY! I FINALLY GOT TO POST THIS NEXT STORY! *Sweat-drops and composes self* I wanted to sooner...but well, that obviously did not work out. And then...Christmas is around the corner and all. So...updating may take a little bit longer. ^^'**

**Anyway, I think you should know that I had fun writing the first two one-shots of this story! ;) I actually did! I may write more DN stories...it just depends, really.**

**Anyway, THIS one-shot is about Mello and Matt (don't like them? Then don't read. :P ). Near and Watari and random people might be mentioned. To be honest with you: I really have NO idea what timeline this one-shot takes place in! It's obviously before the Timeskip in Death Note and before L dies, because Mello and Matt (and Near: but he's only mentioned in this one-shot) are still living at Wammy's House. But...I tweaked Mello and Matt's ages: making them both seventeen...I think. I had a hard time trying to put this one-shot together because of the fact that I got no idea WHEN it takes place. -.- Sorry if it's a little screwed up, why don't we just say that it takes place in a _SLIGHTLY _**alternate time.** SLIGHTLY though!**

**The characters probably will be OOC at some point. Sorry, but that's what happens when you give a person like me a laptop, the characters of Death Note, and a lot of coffee. :P**

**Anyways, here's the little unnecessary summary: _It started out to be a normal morning at the Wammy House...and then Mello, woke up with a massive hangover...everything just went downhill then. What the hell happened the previous night anyway? And how come only Matt can answer that?_**

**Sorry if this one isn't as good as the previous two. I wrote this a few days ago...after I had gotten into an argument with a friend of mine. So...yeah. I had to just stop and finish writing it the next day. ^^' Sorry for the LONG length...**

**Enjoy anyway~**

**Disclaimer: *Sighs* I would love to own Death Note. But will that ever happen? NO.**

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_**Death Note: A Series Of Unfortunate Events**_

_**3: Mello's Morning Surprise.**_

_;_

_;_

_;_

Ah...it was a beautiful morning. The sun beautifully shone in the most cliché way possible and filtered through the rooms of the Wammy House (this caused an irritable from having to get up so early Near to retreat to his closet for some darkness and a little more sleep). Anyway, enough of the cliché talk, it filtered through one boy's room and caused him to groan and shift his left side away from the window.

This boy was Mello. He had cracked a tired eye open but soon regretted that once he realized how light the room was. He cursed and shielded his eye from the light, it burned so badly. Since WHEN did light ever burn his eyes that badly anyway? He really wanted to know the answer to that question, but couldn't bring himself to even _think_ at the moment.

"Ugh...someone just kill me!"

Mello felt awful at the moment. He opened his eyes again and promptly gagged. He had a really terrible taste in his mouth and when he breathed...he was sure he smelt a little alcohol.

At the moment, he didn't care that the fact he smelt alcohol on his breath was suspicious. He just rubbed his burning eyes again.

Never had he felt that bad in the morning. He usually felt pretty rested in the morning; but not well enough to get all hyperactive and ready to start the day. At the moment: his head was throbbing, he wanted to puke any minute, his eyes were burning from the light, ect.

Mello brushed his tousled blond hair out of his eyes and then sat up. The first thing he noticed was that he was in his bed in his room. The weird thing was...he didn't remember ever returning back to crash for the night. "How the hell did I get back here? I don't remember anything...nothing...it's all a _blank_..."

Puzzled, Mello decided to randomly glance around; he found that doing so would aid in finding out things. But the first thing that he saw when he glanced at his arm, was a half-eaten chocolate bar stuck to it.

...That was both calming and creepy at the same time. He didn't remember returning back to his room...or eating chocolate in bed. Even though the latter was like a daily routine for him every morning and night before bed.

The blond-haired chocoholic really wanted to eat the chocolate bar bad, but he felt like he'd vomit all that he had ever eaten his life out, so he kind of just pulled an OOC move and placed it on the table next to the bed.

Mello looked around the room a second time. He noticed that the run looked pretty messed up: dirty clothes baskets were turned over, furniture was turned over, random pictures he had on the wall were crooked badly, the leather clothes he was wearing the previous night were deserted right by the closed door, and he was pretty sure he saw a pack of cigarettes on the floor.

His eyes widened when he say everything. And he rubbed his head as he felt it throbbing again. Now really confused, he leaned a little closer to the right with an outstretched hand.

"_I'm kind of terrified of what I might find..._" Mello thought, feeling around in the air and making sure nothing was there with him. He had seen the movies: the character ends up wasted and wakes up with a total stranger in bed with him/her. "_I don't know what is going on, and I sure as hell don't remember coming back! I don't remember anything at all...I only vaguely remember being at a b-_"

Suddenly, Mello felt something. A panicked look flashed over his face as he shifted around and looked at it. There was another lump in the bed with him. And his fingers were wrapped up in red locks of hair.

It all started to make sense. Red hair...cigarettes on floor...the fact that the room had an aroma of both alcohol and smoke...Mello promptly screeched.

"**OH MY GOD! NOT THAT! NO WAY! THIS HAS GOT TO BE A DREAM!**"

A rudely awakened _Matt_ jumped up into a sitting position in the bed, panting a little from the loud yelling. He caught his breath and then rubbed his eyes irritatedly before looking over at Mello burying his head into his hands and cussing out fate.

"Mello! You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

Mello promptly shut his mouth, his head still buried in his hands, he made some kind of cry. Matt rose an eyebrow at that weird response. Mello suddenly snapped his head back to him and gave him a evil look.

"I'M THE ONE THAT NEARLY HAD A HEART ATTACK!" Mello yelled. "_WHAT_ IS GOING ON? WHY ARE WE IN THE SAME BED TOGETHER, MAN? DON'T TELL ME WE DID ANYTHING! NO WAY! I'LL _DENY IT_ EVEN IF YOU-"

"Just shut up for a minute!" At this point, Matt sighed and rubbed his temples. Mello just started panting from the yelling and then grabbed the the chocolate bar and stuffed it in his mouth; hoping to get a moment because he noticed it was a _Twix bar_. "Okay...I know this seems awkward, but let me explain what happened last night..."

Matt glanced over at Mello and noticed he was wearing a deadpan look. He couldn't believe what his friend thought had happened. OF COURSE he would never do something like that with Mello. ...Besides, the walls of the building were pretty damn thin.

"Before you freak out, we DIDN'T do anything last night. NOTHING went on." Matt mentioned, talking really slowly as if he was explaining something to a child. Mello, however, was still suspicious about the situation. "...But you probably don't believe me. After all: you WERE totally wasted as hell..."

He was wasted? Well that does explain a few things. It didn't explain the entire predicament though. It also didn't explain WHY the two were in the same bed together. THAT was just creepy. Mello hoped nobody would barge in at the moment...he would definitely have to kill that person if so...

Mello glanced over at Matt. He noticed that he wasn't wearing his goggles and his hair was tousled. One thing that caught his attention though, was the small tattoo (Mello was sure it was fake) of a light red heart on his neck; a closer inspection revealed that it had his name in brown letters inside the heart.

That was weird and so he inched back a little.

"Wait...I don't remember anything at all. I don't remember ever drinking anything; just sitting at a bar and punching some old guy in the jaw because he mistook me for a girl and tried to grope me..." Mello muttered, trying to remember all that happened.

"I guess I'll just have to explain everything from the very beginning..." Matt sighed and held a hand over his face.

**[::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::]**

_**-;Flashback;-**_

"_Come on! It'll be fun! Let's make the most of life while we're still teenagers!" Mello urged, slipping behind an annoyed Matt and swiftly rubbing his shoulders. "Nobody will know if we're gone! It's FRIDAY NIGHT after all, and I'm gonna freaking DIE if I don't get out and so SOMETHING!"_

_Seeing that Matt was just tuning out to his urging by looking back at his DS. Mello's eye twitched repeatedly and he took a hand and slapped the crap out of the DS; making it go falling out of Matt's hands and into the wall._

_Matt just stared the whole time. Realizing that he now had nothing to do. He sighed and looked up; only to see Mello standing in front of him with a crazy look in his eyes. It would be a little disturbing to most people, but Matt was really used to that._

"_Mello, why do you want to go out to a club so badly?"_

"_Are you saying you DON'T want to?"_

"_It's not that I don't want to. But we couldn't get in even if we tried; we're not of age to get in..."_

_Mello's face immediately fell just like that. Thinking about it, Matt was right. They couldn't get in...the minute they set foot in the place, they'd probably get kicked out. And it wasn't like they could bring in some of the guns they "acquired" and use them to blow the bouncer's brains out, they just might get arrested for something like that._

_Well...they would just have to find a way around that little fact..._

_Mello thought for a minute, and Matt just watched for what seemed like two entire minutes._

"_I think we can get around that little problem, Matt..."_

_Matt sighed. "What do you have in mind?"_

"_A genius plan: we sneak into the club!"_

_Oh yes, that was SO genius. Matt wasn't sure that they could successfully sneak into the club when they had a pretty large bouncer that watches the outside like a hawk. But Mello did seem like he really wanted to go out to the club; and there was no way he could escape from this. Even if he would rather stay at the Wammy House and play video games all freaking night until he passed out from lack of sleep than go out to a club and get wasted and stripped of dignity with Mello, he had no choice._

"_Sooooo Matt...you in or out?" Mello grinned and made some weird gesture before pointing to himself. "But you do realize that there's no choice, right? I'm kind of FORCING you to come..."_

"_Fine, fine. I'll go with you." Matt reached into some bag that Mello never noticed on the chair before and then pulled out some random PSP. "But I'll deny I was ever a part of this when the cops come."_

_And so, Mello and Matt joined up together and left the room. They had to be kind of quiet though, because the other kids in the orphanage would probably hear them and question where they were going (because they were so damn nosy). Meanwhile, a kid with white hair and dark eyes slipped out from behind the wall Matt's DS was thrown into. He shook his head at all that he had overheard._

"_Maybe I should intervene..." Near absentmindedly twirled a lock of his hair and then glanced down at the broken DS on the floor. "No. Nobody ever listens to me anyway..."_

**[:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::]**

_Mello and Matt opened the doors of the taxi they had gotten a ride in. After quickly throwing the money into the driver's hands, Mello promptly sighed at the night breeze._

"_I'm ready to hit that club!"_

_Matt sighed and adjusted his vest. "If we even can GET IN..."_

"_Stop ruining the moment, Matt!"_

_The night sky was filled with stars for the night. Although most of the street lights and buildings kind of blocked them from view. It was obviously Friday, hence the bustling streets with many people and cars. Mello was loving the atmosphere, it felt really nice. Anyway, he grabbed Matt's arm and started dragging him against his will across the streets; they were getting odd looks from people though. It might have been because from a certain distance:_

_Mello kind of looked like a slutty girl, and Matt kind of looked like he was about to go skiing._

_...Anyway, Mello dragged Matt along the town, after several minutes they arrived outside a tall building. Matt pulled himself away from his friend as he started scanning the outside of the building and the tall scary looking dude that was watching everyone that walked past the club like a hawk._

"_Well Mello, what now?" Matt questioned, pulling out his PSP and playing it while Mello thought of their strategy._

"_Eh...um...we'll need to distract the bouncer first." Mello put on an innocent expression and then whistled innocently as he slipped his hand behind him and pulled out a gun._

"_Uh-huh..." Matt continued playing the game, not paying attention to the mayhem that was about to unfold around him._

_Mello stopped whistling and looked around. When the coast seemed clear, he quickly ran to a nearby dumpster and hid behind it, taking the gun and shooting it off at a nearby street sign. The bouncer hear d the commotion and looked over at Mello's direction just as he ducked back down and put the gun back._

"_Hey, what the hell was that noise?"_

_At a very fast speed, Mello sneaked out from behind the dumpster and back to Matt's side. The bouncer then ran up to the dumpster and started looking around for the source of the gun noise. Mello rolled his eyes at the bouncer's stupidity and then grinned at Matt before grabbing his vest and quickly pulling him with him into the club's entrance._

"_Hmm...I could have sworn I heard a gun shooting off around here..."_

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"_Whew...that...that actually worked..."_

_Mello released his grip on Matt's vest and crashed to the club's floor anime style. Of course, Matt didn't notice because he was absorbed in whatever game he was playing on the PSP._

_But then the PSP suddenly turned off because it went down and needed to be charged again._

"_Damn it..." Matt slipped the PSP back in his vest and then looked at Mello on the floor. "Um..."_

_Time was wasting. Mello knew that. It was already six-thirty at night anyway. The chocoholic blond got up off the floor as if nothing even happened and wiped the dust off his clothes. Then he took a good look around at the club and his eyes sparkled with delight._

_The inside of the club was big. Like the outside, it didn't look like the most friendliest place; it looked incredibly shady. The good thing was that the place had a lot of people, but not TOO much people in there. And it was playing some pretty reasonable music (switching between blasting heavy metal and blasting grunge) from giant stereos on the stage. Looking to the left, he saw a giant stage that had two beautiful women dancing expertly scantily clad, and a lot of people (particularly men) crowed around the stage watching. On the right, there was a fair-sized bar and the smell of alcohol was beginning to drift through the building. It was also very bright and even had a dance floor._

_Mello literally thought he was in Heaven for a few seconds when he noticed that not only between all the mentioned stuff, there was also a lot of food out for people to eat. Specifically, there was a huge table full of chocolate desserts and whatnot. He smirked and walked over to that table._

"_Well this might not be too bad." Matt commented, looking around. "But I still think we're going to get caught. These people all look at least over twenty and we're-Mello...? What the hell are you doing?"_

_Mello looked up from the piles of chocolate desserts he was almost literally inhaling. Matt rolled his eyes, realizing why he had just disappeared like that, and then started walking off to a quiet corner of the club; he was going to go there and then play the back-up PSP he had hidden in a secret back pocket on his pants._

**[:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::]**

"I'm sure if there was a table that had THAT many chocolate desserts on it, I would sure as hell have remembered that!"

"Mello, you really are obsessed...but do you finally remember what happened?"

"...No."

"Ugh...then stop interrupting the flashback and I'll explain."

"Kay..."

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_**-;Back To The Flashback;-**_

_How long have they been there at the club? Matt wasn't really sure. It must have been a while because his fully-charged back-up PSP and halfway-fully charged back-up DS previously went dead. Matt sighed and glanced at his watch, 10:00 at night. ...Wow._

"_Oh, it's been a little while. I guess I should get Mello and drag 'em back to the house." Matt ran his fingers through his hair and then get up off the floor of the men's bathroom. "There's no telling what he could have done in about four hours..."_

_The gamer stretched his limp arms and then put the back-up portable systems back in his secret pockets. (Dang, where did the pockets even come from?) He exited the bathroom and then looked around the club for his friend._

_However._

_The club looked a little more...messed up than what he had remembered seeing earlier when he left the uncomfortable corner by the stage. Most of the people were not dancing and were just sitting at the bar or standing around chatting/arguing. The two whores on the stage weren't there anymore, and the music being played seemed to be changed to emo music. What looked bad though: was the several bottles of liquor scattered around the floor and the furniture and stage decorations overturned. The table that had many chocolate desserts was totally bare but was cracked in half and had streaks of chocolate over it._

"_What the-" Matt cut himself off and shook his head. He really didn't want to know what had went on while he was in his own world. Hell, he didn't even want to come to the club in the first place._

_At that moment, all that mattered was finding Mello. Matt continued looking around, but then came to a halt when he noticed a familiar blond-haired guy wearing leather clothes slouched over the bar. Mello. Matt sighed and then walked up to the counter._

"_Mello...?"_

_Mello, in a drunken state, laughed and sat up in the chair; throwing an empty glass behind his back. "Yessss! Barten-hic...give me MORE!"_

_The bartender, who looked middle-aged and had graying black hair and hazel eyes made a face that pretty much screamed 'I don't want to see you cause anymore hell around here', and then made a concerned face._

"_Erm...I don't think I should. You're completely intoxicated already, and I shouldn't have even served you anything since you're technically still a minor...I think..."_

_Mello promptly gave the bartender a sharp glare. It actually made the man flinch and stare in fear. Without any kind of warning whatsoever, Mello lunged forward and gripped his shirt; a sick and twisted grin appeared on his face._

"_Hahaha...WHO'SSSS drunk? I don't know what 'ya mean! Hic...get that stick out of your assss and..hic...loosen up a LITTLE!"_

"_Mello!"_

_Mello and the bartender looked over at Matt. They were equally confused. After several awkward seconds, Mello's eyes widened and then he laughed, hacked a little, and lunged forward into Matt and glomped him as if he were...a fangirl or something. But in that case, he looked like a desperate fanboy._

"_MATTY~! DUDE, YOU'RE SOOOOO-hic...YOU'VE GOTTEN SO...hahaha...so..." Matt's expression was extremely blank as Mello cut himself off by giggling crazily and then reaching into his shirt and pulling out a fake tattoo of a red heart with his own name in it and slapping it onto his friend's neck._

"_Uh...is he...um..." The bartender rubbed the back of his neck and then cleared his throat. "I noticed you two come in together...but look, he's completely intoxicated right now; and I am aware he's underage...he told me frankly after about two gigantic glasses of liquor. You really should take him to his home; but please be careful...because the bouncer outside will chew you out good for sneaking in underage. What I'm saying is...I'm going to let this whole episode slide without contacting the authorities; because I can relate to you two young men. And I do assume this was the blond one's first time drinking, he must be a chocoholic too, dang I saw him inhaling that chocolate-"_

"_Listen, I REALLY don't have time for this." Matt interrupted, trying to pry Mello off him and failing epically. "I've had a long night, and I'm just going to take him home and then crash. But...thanks anyway for not ratting us out."_

"_Well, I can relate anyway. And...perhaps I just feel bad for the fact that your friend is going to feel like crap tomorrow morning."_

"_WHEEEE~! MATTY, WHEN DID 'YA GET THAT COOOOLS...hic...SWEATER?" Mello randomly shouted after Matt pried him off and then grabbed his shirt._

"_I'll explain LATER." Matt sighed and then started walking off; dragging his drunk friend with him. "Just shut the hell up and don't draw anymore attention that what you have!"_

**[:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::]**

_Yes...the night was certainly one of the craziest he's ever had in his life. Matt couldn't believe he was even still standing from all that had happened. Mello was still totally, hopelessly wasted and he kept making the most random comments and switching back and forth from angry, to sad, to cheerful, to emo-ish. They were able to leave the club without being discovered as minors; Matt had clasped a hand over Mello's mouth and took his gun and had once again shot at a random sign to distract the bouncer. Then he took off running with Mello until they were far away and on the other side of the street next to a payphone. He called the same taxi driver and then took off in the taxi back to the house. He, of course, had to give the taxi driver the correct destination directions because Mello kept slurring some stuff about 'London', 'creepy stalkers', and 'roads made of whipped cream'._

_Finally arriving back at the house, Matt threw the money at the driver just like Mello had and dragged his friend out of the taxi. It was a good thing that it was late; all the windows had no light shining from them and all the kids at the house were probably asleep or whatever. This meant that they wouldn't get caught, lectured, or interrogated by anybody. Matt had to pretty much keep his arm wrapped around Mello with the other hand clasped over his mouth. Luckily, they managed to make it through the building pretty silently. Then they arrived at Mello's room. Matt sighed deeply in relief and then opened the door and threw Mello inside and stepped in._

"_We're back at LAST...now, Mello," Mello rubbed his head from where he had hit the floor and got into a sitting position on his knees and looked up at Matt. "Just keep quiet for a while...if anyone hears you due to these crappy thin excuses for walls, then we'll be caught. And I'm too exhausted to stand a lecture or interrogation."_

"_Aw...Matty~! Issss...hic...I won't be quiet! I wanna...hic...just talk with 'ya, maaaan~!"_

_Matt rolled his eyes and blew falling strands of hair out of his face. Mello just got up and tried to take a step forward, but tripped in his drunken state and gasped audibly before falling into Matt; who saw it coming and caught him in his arms._

"_Well I don't want to talk! Look, I don't anyone to hear-"_

"_Ah...ahem..."_

_Matt and Mello both turned their heads to the door, they saw Near standing in the doorway as emotionless as ever; but with a shocked look in his eyes. Awkward silence followed._

"_...I...I suddenly don't want to know anymore..." Near promptly spun around on the heels of his feet and walked away back to his room; obviously getting the wrong idea by the suggestive way Matt was holding on to Mello._

"_Whaaat...hic...teh hell did he think wasssss happening?" Mello asked, looking into Matt's eyes curiously._

"_...I'm not going to answer that." Matt let go of Mello and the latter fell backwards onto the bed. Matt then walked over to the door and then walked out and stood in the doorway. "Now, I know you're totally wasted, but just stay in here until-"_

_Matt was cut off abruptly by a gag and then a whimper. He weighed his options at the moment: turn around or not? He decided to turn around, but almost regretted it when he saw a pathetic looking Mello sitting on the bed and hugging his knees together; he looked like a sad little child almost...it was kind of awkward looking. Matt was freaked out, he knew that he was just drunk...but he hadn't ever seen Mello like that before._

"_Hic...you're leavin' meeee...all...hic...ALONE, M-MATTY?" Yep...he just went into an emo-mode. Matt was sure he almost saw a dark gray cloud floating over Mello's head._

"_I..." Matt, against his will, walked back into the room and then lightly closed the door and walked over to the edge and awkwardly sat down; putting a hand on the now-emo Mello's shoulder. "Eh...do you want me to stay? I...I guess I COULD...just don't act emo like that..."_

"_YAYZ!" Mello's druken mood suddenly did a complete 360 and he reached over and pretty much glomped him again._

_Matt rubbed his temples and then knocked back the now-cheerful Mello. Oh...why did he just have to let him talk him into going to that club? It's caused so much mayhem for him, Mello, and the possibly-traumatized Near._

"_**I've got to try and get him to calm down for the rest of the night.**" Matt thought, crossing his arms over his chest and watching Mello gag and act as if he was about to vomit any minute. "**Wait...Mello IS wasted, I might be able to...**"_

_A good plan came to mind. Matt smirked a little and then grabbed Mello's head; turning him around to face him. "Hey Mello, I'm getting kind of exhausted from this HELL I've been through tonight, are you?"_

_Mello's face turned a little green and he held his head and lied down. "Ughh...yesssss..."_

"_Alright...how about if you go ahead and crash?" Matt suggested, hoping his plan would succeed. "It's late after all..."_

"_Kaaaaaay..."_

_Matt felt like he was talking to a child. A sweatdrop almost formed on his head when Mello yawned loudly and then sat up and let his head rest on his shoulder._

"_...Mello...I didn't mean to sleep on me..." Matt rolled his eyes, which could have been the millionth time that night, and stood up and dragged Mello off the bed and to his feet with him. "I'll stay to make sure you get there without tripping or crashing into something in this state."_

_Mello just nodded at every word, he wore a cheerful drunken grin too. Matt walked over to the bed and quickly pulled the covers down; he wanted to waste no time after all that he'd been through that night. Just as he turned around, he saw Mello take the clothes he was previously wearing and throw them to the door. But...at least he still wore a t-shirt he had randomly found on the floor and his underwear. At that moment, Matt briefly wondered if somehow...although drunk...he was one step ahead of his every move._

_That was a creepy thought. Matt shook his head and cleared it before walking over to Mello and guiding him to the bed. "Get into the bed and I'll go flick off the lights."_

_Mello did as he was told. He couldn't walk well, but he did make it to the bed and brought the covers over him. Seeing that his plan was working out...somehow, Matt walked over to the lightswitch by the door and flicked it off just as Mello started giggling and slurring stuff about 'armies', and 'chocolate with almonds'. The only light was the moonlight filtering into the room through the barely-open blinds._

_Now that he had gotten Mello to calm down and go to bed, Matt put his hand on the doorknob to open it back._

_And then he heard a whimper._

"_Matty...y-you're LEAVING me allllll alone...?"_

_Matt's eye twitched and he felt what might have been a migraine coming on. He facepalmed and then spun around, his eyes softened when he saw Mello though. Mello...had officially gone back into the drunk emo-mode. He was sitting up in the bed, but Matt was sure that underneath the covers, he was hugging his knees close to him and a gray cloud was starting to float around his head in a comical fashion._

"_Mello...just stop this..."_

"_I freaking HAAATE being alone..."_

"_Stop."_

"_MAAAATY-CHAN~!"_

"_I'LL STAY THEN! When you're sober again, remind me to NEVER go out to a club with you again..."_

_Matt sighed deeply after seeing Mello revert back to being cheerful and upbeat. He inwardly cussed out what strange fate he had and then stripped off his goggles and vest; tossing them to the floor and then, almost against his will, he stepped out of his shoes and walked over to the bed and awkwardly slipped inside and rested his hands over his chest._

_There was silence. The two were just staring up at the ceiling as the seconds ticked by. Matt finally closed his eyes, but then felt something warm hit his face; and then an aroma of alcohol. He opened his eyes and glanced to the left...and saw Mello sound asleep right beside him and softly breathing._

_Well...at least SOMEONE was relaxed._

"_**...This is a little too awkward for me. Sorry, Mello.**" Matt pushed Mello a good distance away to the other side of the bed. And, surprisingly, he didn't even wake up._

_Several seconds ticked by. Matt wasn't sure why, but even though he was exhausted and pissed with Mello about the whole club episode, he couldn't help but think he was kind of...er...cute switching between moods like that. But that was a disturbing thought. Still...to think that Mello was like a mood-switching child when drunk..._

_Matt made a mental note to NEVER let Mello get drunk EVER AGAIN._

_Staring at the sleeping blond on the other side of the bed, Matt knew that this entire event would kind of screw up their relationship a little; he'd be stunned and angry in the morning. That was the gamer's last thought...before he just closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep._

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_**-;The Present Time;-**_

"And that's what happened, Mello." Matt finished, rubbing his temples as he remembered all that had happened. "You were just too wasted to remember."

"Actually...I think I'm starting to remember all that had happened before I started to drink." Mello buried his head in his hands and groaned. "I can't believe that happened..."

And Matt couldn't agree more with that last statement. He pushed back the covers and decided to get out of the bed so he'd stop feeling awkward. "I know...that all was a _little_ embarrassing..."

Mello shook his head and put his hands back to either side of him. "No...I'm talking about how I can't believe I FORGOT my first time drinking! The stupid thing is, that bartender seemed to know I was underage and still served me anyway..."

Matt rolled his eyes and then collected his things and walked to the door.

"Whatever. I'm going back to my room now."

Mello seemed to get over what he was just ranting about, he got out of the bed and then gagged briefly; still having that horrible taste in his mouth. However, before Matt put his hand on the door, Mello noticed something on the other side of his neck and rose an eyebrow.

"Uh...Matt?"

Matt blinked and turned around, all while Mello pointed.

"Why the hell do you have a _hickey_ on your neck?" Realization struck Mello and he crossed his arms. "Is there SOMETHING you're not telling me?"  
There was no way Matt would respond to that. He didn't. He just stayed quiet and opened the door and left the room. Mello just gasped and then furrowed his eyebrows together, he wasn't about to let him get away like that. Quickly, he almost threw the door off it's hinges and ran out to catch Matt.

He was going to find out what happened one way or ANOTHER.

But...

Matt, of course, couldn't bring himself to mention what else had happened while Mello was wasted. It would really kind of freak him out.

Isn't that a little unfortunate?

_**End.**_

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**...Wow, that was long. Sorry for the extra long length; I didn't feel like breaking it up into two parts! o_o**

**If you're wondering WHY Matt had that hickey...when he had arrived back at the house with Mello, he was so drunk that he started saying some random things and then out of the blue just went forward and started to suck and bite on his neck. Matt didn't want to tell him that; they had already probably traumatized Near, and he didn't want to do the same to Mello.**

**In the end, Matt never did tell Mello just WHAT ELSE happened. :P**

**Anyway, I hope this story was fine. I'm sorry for it being rushed...remember, I was pretty angry at the time when I started writing this, but I calmed down eventually. I think writing calms me down. ^^' And I might have got all that stuff about them 'not being of age' and all that. Like I said before, I wasn't sure how to write this because I don't know what time it takes place...and I could barely decide what age to make them. Maybe it would have helped if I had gone ahead and googled the legal drinking age for the area; then maybe I could have made more sense with this fic. *Sweatdrops and a blank look flashes over my face* I know I probably messed it up, you don't have to make a REALLY LONG lecture for me in a review! -.-**

**Oh, and before you ask about how Mello couldn't hold his liquor, a friend of mine persuaded me into going with the idea of him not being able to since it was his first time. So...don't blame ME for that one. ;) Besides, the thought of him not being able to hold it IS kind of interesting. And he did have about...*Randomly starts doing math* about...twelve big glasses, maybe?**

**Anyway, the next story will be about L and Light again. But don't worry, other characters will get stories of their own too. There's just this interesting one-shot about them that randomly came to mind yesterday, and I'm DYING to type it up! -^_^- And...well...L IS my favorite character, Light's my least (you do see why, right? If not, just PM me and ask. But I think it's obvious.). Somehow, I like writing them together. Not 'together' as in a Boy/Boy kind of way, just in the 'together' way like: in the anime.**

**I'm rambling now. -_-' Sorry. I'll try to update soon...but Christmas is almost here, and I really may not have the time...**

**Read and review! n.n**


	4. 4, When Matsuda Is Bored

**A/N: This story has no relation to the previous three. It centers around Matsuda...and maybe L. ;) I know I previously said that the next story would be about L and Light, but I scrapped the idea because I totally LOST the scene for the story I had written down on paper. T_T**

**And anyway, after randomly writing out a scene for the story with L and Light, I started writing in a part with Matsuda randomly coming in. That part with Matsuda "randomly coming in" gave me a brand new idea for a story about him and L. So...here we are now.**

**And Matsuda IS one of my favorite characters...behind L, BB, Mello, Near, (not in that order). How can you not like Matsuda, anyway? ^^ I don't know...I find him easy to write about too.**

**Back to the main topic now: Sorry for the sudden switch. But I guess this little drabble-thing came out decent enough for amusement. I'll leave that up to you readers to determine that one.**

**Now Matsuda, L, blah blah blah, could be all OOC. Not sure if they are or not...because this kind of thing happens when you write a comedy. And I'm not sure WHEN this little story takes place. Don't ask.**

**Well, here's the useless little summary I came up with: _Matsuda is very bored one day while working and annoyed with L bossing him around. And when Matsuda is bored, only mayhem can occur! What can he do when he's got an empty room in the building to himself, and his imagination...? Oh the possibilities..._**

**Well, enjoy~**

**Disclaimer: To tell you the truth, Death Note belongs to those two guys with the similar names. I'm merely a fan doing what I do as a result (of being a fan), writing FANfiction. -.-'**

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_**Death Note: A Series of Unfortunate Events**_

_**4: When Matsuda Is Bored**_

_;_

_;_

_;_

He was walking through a rather closed in hallway. He really didn't have anything to do at the moment, not that he was aware of. And he honestly couldn't believe that. Usually, he would be wandering around the building...either getting coffee and whatever else for L or just searching for things/doing a lot of paperwork that revolved around the Kira case.

This man was young, didn't look his age though, he wasn't the youngest on the force though. He was actually not too bad looking, he rather simple though. His dark hair fell into his eye and he blew out it out in annoyance. Yeah...he had previously randomly thought that he should just cut his hair, but then he realized that it would take a lot of money and he was saving up. His dark eyes shifted back and forth, scanning the empty hall as he leaned against the wall in a lazy kind of way. And he was dressed in the usual everyday suit.

This man does have a full name. But for now, we will refer to him as...Matsuda.

So to begin, Matsuda was extremely bored with the surprising fact he doesn't have anything to really do. With the Kira case getting more and more twisted and stressful, everyone on the force was just having to work that much harder to keep up with it. That meant the following: coming to work very early in the morning, keeping track of the possible suspects, doing freaking insanely high amounts of paperwork, and listening very closely to the World's Greatest Detective, L; because the guy was just amazing with the way he would easily piece things together and get to the bottom of it.

Matsuda frowned and randomly started straightening his tie. He knew everybody else was very busy, and should be to. He IS part of the team too, and very much underrated by everyone including the panda-eyed detective himself, he just wanted SOMEONE to see he was useful. But that...that was likely never going to happen.

Unless by some INSANE chances that Light Yagami, Soichiro's son who helped out with the investigation, was the killer himself. And then he revealed it to him and everyone in an epic showdown, then, in rage and bewilderment, shot him literally to death, then his wants of being appreciated would not work out.

"I just can't believe that _he_ said I was in the way..." Matsuda crossed his arms. "I WASN'T 'in the way'. I was just trying to lighten the mood a little bit...but maybe I did take the joke a little too far...after all, Aizawa probably has a broken nose now and L probably is listing off terribly qualities about me right now."

Matsuda continued to go on and on about what had earlier occurred. Just an innocent little joke caused a little more trouble than what he had expected. That was why he was currently with nothing to do; L declared that he was being a "completely useless idiot", and forced him to leave the area for a little while and get out of everyone's way.

So he had no choice but to leave. He saw the serious look in L's eyes, the same sharp glare he would receive from him if he accidentally knocked over the thousands of sugar cubes he would unnecessarily stack before eating. Matsuda had left, shame written all over his face though, it was annoying to be scolded like a child and forbid to go back in until L was no longer pissed off _inwardly_.

"I just don't see why he's mad...well, I could feel an angry kinda vibe off of him..." Matsuda started walking away with his hands in his pockets, occasionally kicking the wall here and there when he past it. "I...I thought it would lighten the grim mood! I mean, come on, I could even see _Mogi-San_ looking like he was about to so something completely out of character: SCREAM!"

He passed different empty halls during his stroll. Though he didn't really have a set destination of course. He just really needed to get all that off his chest. It was about time he did that, and he was even shocked at himself for having kept it all bottled up that long. Look, Matsuda was just BORED and ANNOYED.

"...I know he's obsessed with sweets and all. It was easy to figure out that he would right away realize his dangerously-sugared tea I was supposed to give him wasn't what he wanted. It was just a JOKE was all!" Matsuda let himself smile a tiny bit as he remembered what he had intended with the joke. He knew in advance that L would be very shocked and frustrated over it though. Still, it would be worth seeing a little bit of a funny reaction from the stoic detective, right?

What he had decided to do the few hours before L would call on him to give him his usual tea (Watari was sick at the time and could not come in; to everyone else's exhaustion of having to put up with L), was to not put any sugar in it...but do the opposite and make it extremely salty. And we mean EXTREMELY salty! Saltier than any of the several potato chips that were epically eaten by Light!

Matsuda had thought the idea was funny. And it was a mere joke. He had pulled if off of course earlier with everyone else around. L had taken one simple sip of the tea...did this really huge spit take that caught everyone's attention...drenched Light; who reacted crazily and accidentally punched Aizawa in the nose...and L had blamed Matsuda when he tried to regain his composure and overheard the man's attempted-to-not-be-loud snickers.

It was...like a chain reaction.

Anyway, because of the whole salty tea incident, that was how Matsuda ended up bored and annoyed while aimlessly wandering around. It didn't seem fair. However, he knew he could not get out of it. Not with L.

Matsuda finally silenced himself. He had looked up and noticed that he was outside a door. The door led to the room the investigation team would use for grouping up and sharing strategies and leads about whatever case being handled. He knew it would be empty, seeing that everyone was on another floor working their asses off. So he shrugged his shoulders and opened the door.

"I can just relax in here...maybe I can find something fun to do while I wait for him to signal he's over the tea incident. Yeah, that sounds fine..."

He entered the room and flicked on a light switch to lighten up the eerie darkness. Afterward, he kicked the door closed behind him with his foot and immediately sighed in boredom.

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Meanwhile, a still-pissed and annoyed L was looking through some records. Well...everyone kind of questioned that because he had a different look in his eyes: emotion that would never be shown on his face was being shown in his eyes. And, besides, he was flipping through pages at a truly _alarming speed_. Sure L was a genius, but he couldn't possibly be reading those records THAT fast.

Light was trying to focus on work. He really was. Unfortunately, the scraping/cutting sound of L's rapid page turning was severely getting on his nerves. And he couldn't help but STARE at L during all of the several tense seconds that flew by; he had never seen L like that before. He came to a conclusion:

L obviously does still have emotions somewhere. But they get gradually let out by really random actions like...turning pages at unrecorded speeds, even faster than Light when he wrote in his Death Note.

Anyway, Light's eye twitched by the time L had flipped to the 777th page. He had enough of that and turned around, strolling over to him and quickly grabbed the records he was looking through. L's eyes slowly looked up at his blank face. And when he tried to grab the edge of the page in his usual odd and delicate manner, Light's hand would just slap and hold down the edge before he could reach it.

"You aren't turning that damn page." Light warned, his tone lowering in a serious manner. "Look, L, I know you're pissed off about what Matsuda did. You are kind of...well...serious when it comes to someone messing with your sugar! But I can NOT take this PAGE TURNING anymore. Just get the hell OVER this! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! YOU ARE INSANE IF YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE YOUR ANGER OUT ON THOSE STUPID, WORTHLESS RECORDS, L!"

By the time he was done, everyone in the room was staring at Light. Light blinked and glanced at the force's surprised looks, his father's disapproving look complete with an eyebrow raise, and L's blank poker face.

"...Your percentage of being Kira has just raised by another sixteen percent for that out of character rant."

Light just gave himself a mental facepalm. And then L shook his head and got up out of his usual crouching position and to his bad standing position.

"However, you are correct. I suppose...I did take things a little too far. I will go find the idiot and drag him back here, then I will start getting back to the case with much more interest than before."

"Yes...yes...do that!" Aizawa urged, raising a hand up in the air while the other held a tissue over his still-bleeding nose. "Just as long as this unnecessary _drama_ dies down!"

L promptly left the room and went to find Matsuda. He was going to let him know where he stood on the whole thing and warn him never to do it again. Then he would drag him back and get back to the case because he was getting more and more suspicious about Light being Kira from that rant...

**[:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::]**

"Wow...I am SO bored..." Matsuda announced to nobody in particular as he stared up at the ceiling from where he was laying on the floor, too bored to stand up. "It's official: I'm never messing with Ryuzaki's tea or ANY of his snacks/drinks again..."

He sighed loudly and then slowly pushed himself off the ground. He then started pacing the room a little bit when...something caught his eye. It was the chair that L sat in. And just looking at that chair made him think about L. Matsuda remembered how annoyed he was with him and immediately frowned before walking up to it.

Then an idea came to mind. He smirked a little. He could...take out the frustration he was bottling up. After all, it really wasn't good for you to bottle it all up like that; Matsuda didn't want to start getting all angsty anyway.

"I know something...or _someone_ I could have some fun with..." Matsuda snickered evilly to himself and then sat down in the chair. "It may not be _professional_, but I have been wanting to do this!"

The...misunderstood...man then grabbed his legs and brought them close to him in the chair, mimicking the odd position L was almost always in. He looked around at himself and put his hands on his knees, bringing them a little closer. He thought it was good enough.

He stayed that way for over five seconds. "I wonder how he stays like this so long..."

Matsuda shrugged his shoulders, trying to stop wondering about that, and then he tried and put on a really blank expression. A REALLY blank one, pure emotionless like L's. Although he figured he couldn't possibly get a look like that just right, he put much effort into it.

And, surprisingly, it worked out well. He had the odd sitting manner and the blank face. Matsuda snickered inwardly at how shockingly amusing mimicking L was.

"Now then, let's try and get the voice right!"

So, Matsuda cleared his throat and tried out various voices. Eh...most of them kind of failed though, he couldn't get the monotone just right though.

One the first try, he sounded like a boy going through puberty.

On the second try, he sounded like someone choking and trying to swallow something at the same time.

On the third try, he sounded like a cow.

On the FOURTH try, he sounded like Miley Cyrus.

"_Hmm...how am I gonna do this? Maybe if I try and..._" Matsuda then started talking low. Really low, and seeing that he was getting somewhere, he made it just a tiny bit English and a little bit smoother. Then he spoke out loud: "I am the World's Greatest Detective, L, do not _tell_ anyone though."

By the time Matsuda had finished saying that, he didn't notice the door behind him creak open a little bit; enough for someone to look through without being noticed. But, seeing that he had gotten a good enough voice for the act, Matsda smirked and then snickered a little.

"_That voice should work...it's really hard to do, but it's FUN anyway!_" Matsuda thought as he got up quickly and leaped over to the set of couches surrounding the table in the middle.

Feeling like he was going somewhere at long last, Matsuda sat himself on the sofa and put a smile on his face as he looked over at the chair; as if looking at L. He started talking in his own voice.

"So, Ryuzaki, are there any leads on the case? You are looking really...uh..."

Matsuda then leaped back over to the chair and got back into his L-like position with the poker face on. Clearing his throat a little, he started talking in the ALMOST L-like monotone.

"No. There are no good leads whatsoever and I am becoming rather irritated. I also am tired of your useless questions, Matsuda." Matsuda put his hands back on his knees, holding them closer to him. "And, that reminds me, go fetch me a glass of tea with over fifty-thousand sugar cubes and perhaps a small squirt of honey in it."

Matsuda promptly flew back over to the couch in his normal sitting position, leaning back tiredly and sighing in a fake way. "Ryuzaki, I don't mean to offend you, but you're going to get diabetes EVENTUALLY. And besides, why are you throwing all these useless tasks on me? Am I the next best thing just because you don't have Watari under your nose?"

Matsuda interrupted the flow of his "act" and let himself snicker as he scooted over to the right where he would often see Aizawa sitting. Plastering a scowl on his face and clenching his hands in his fists, he started _flawlessly_ imitating the man's angry voice:

"THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND! WE MUST GET BACK TO THE CASE! SO I CAN GET _PAYED_ AND SUPPORT MY FAMILY BECAUSE WE'RE JUST THAT DAMN UNLUCKY TO HAVE OUR FUNDING GETTING CUT!"

Matsuda interrupted it once again and let himself snicker loudly. He was having a lot of fun, even though he really had no idea why he included Aizawa into the act. It might have been because...he had been secretly imitating behind his back for a while; it was really fun to act like him and make "him" say crazy things.

At a quick speed, Matsuda put back on the poker face and leaped over to L's chair, mimicking his strange sitting position again. This time, he had grabbed a cup of still-warm coffee that was innocently there on the table. He took it and, knowing it was previously L's and filled with sugar and other sweet things like a ton of cream, he pretended to drink it a little noisily and handling it delicately by the handle like L did. It was hard, but still amusing nevertheless.

After pretending to take a sip, Matsuda sighed lowly. And went back to the L-like voice.

"Matsuda, you did not get me what I wanted. I specifically requested a cup of tea: five thousand sugar cubes included, and a tad of honey. This is not it." Matsuda shook his head and then delicately setting down the coffee back on the table, it almost slipped out of his hands though. "Pardon my French, but I do feel like I should say this sooner or later. It must be said..."

Matsuda then jumped over to the other couch on the left and sat down in a professional manner. He then whipped a pair of glasses out of thin air (don't ask how that was possible), and put them on. They looked exactly like Soichiro's, but they weren't his. He then started talking in the chief's voice and adjusted his tie as he did so.

"Ryuzaki-San, if I could intervene here, you do not have to argue with Matsuda. He is not all that...erm...up there with his intelligence after all." Matsuda mentioned, looking over at the empty chair.

The young officer once again went straight to the chair and then mimicked L, throwing off the glasses too. "Don't we all know that...look, Yagami-San, I feel that is about time to say this." Matsuda's sharp blank gaze flickered over to the seat where 'Matsuda' was 'sitting'. "Matsuda, you are a useless _dumbass_ and not at all of importance. You never do anything helpful to the case, always holding us all back. Even when I give you the most simplest task of getting me snacks or beverages, you screw it up no matter what."

Although he hated to be saying that stuff about himself, Matsuda still kept up the act and went straight to the couch where he was earlier. He had switched back to himself and stared in shock over at the chair, he even leaned a little forward to add to the shocked state he was supposed to be in.

"What? How can you be saying this? This tea incident wasn't MY fault...I heard what you said, and you said _over five-thousand sugar cubes_!" At this point, Matsuda was making crazy arm movements to add to his 'shock'. "And I am important to the investigation team! I do help everyone!"

Matsuda was getting a little caught up in the moment of his..."act". But still, he was having so much fun even though he had to bash himself. He leaped over from different sides of the couches quickly imitating all the members of the team sighing fast. And finally, he leaped back into L's chair and got back into his position that mimicked the detective well. He also didn't hear the door behind once again creak open more.

"Surely you all do know it's true." Matsuda sighed another fake sigh and then took a bag of candy that was left on the table and popped a few pieces of candy in his mouth, eating them as he talked in his L-like voice. "He cannot do anything and his useless to us all...well, honestly, it is mostly to me."

Finished talking and eating the candy, Matsuda dropped the L act and then went back over to his spot on the couch back to himself with a fake hurt expression plastered on his face. "Th-that isn't..."

Interrupting himself, and although getting tired from all the crazy movements, Matsuda wiped away the fake tears he had used and then leaped back over to behind the chair, plastering an impassive look on and imitating Light.

"Really L, this IS getting out of hand. Work needs to be done and..." Matsuda paused the Light-like voice and then like the overly-perfect teenager would, ran his fingers through his hair like a woman on a shampoo commercial and let it flow out a little before putting it back in place. "And since you still believe I'm the killer himself, we need to MAKE SURE that we can find other suspects. It doesn't matter who the hell they are as long as they AREN'T me!"

Still absorbed into his one-man act, Matsuda promptly spun around a little shakily and hopped back into L's chair, once again mimicking him and plastering on the emotionless face.

"_And now, L, it's time you admitted a few things to the 'entire task force'..._" Matsuda thought, smirking a little as he inwardly snickered evilly. "_I've been wanting to hear you say this for...a little while now!_"

The bored officer once again put back on the poker face and staring ahead at the table before him. He started talking in the L-like voice once again, still not aware of a presence in the doorway watching him secretly.

"Besides, Matsuda, I am important...much more important that you. I actually do the work very carefully and dig a little deeper into the background information. That is because my intelligence is far vaster and superior to anyone's." Matsuda took his hand and delicately put a hand in his hair, running through it in a state of fake irritation. He then rested both hands back on his knees. "Although...I do assume you all might not this fact. Because I DO look like a total slob, what with my extremely causal choice of clothing and my utterly awful posture..."

Matsuda was now getting even more into the act that before as he went on.

"I never do set foot outside, oh I would not DARE do that. For I might get a terrible sunburn...and then if that should happen, there is a five-percent chance that I would actually get a little color on me and look like a dull, average person..."

Matsuda's L-like tone was getting a little less good like it was before. But that was because he was getting really thirsty from all the rambling. Still, he kept up the act.

"Also, Matsuda, I am more superior over you in this way: I freaking INHALE dangerous amounts of sugar everyday. I never eat anything truly healthy, you would definitely think I would have diabetes by now...but yet, I am still sitting here healthy and underweight..."

Matsuda was beginning to look a little annoyed as he went on. But he didn't want to lose the act yet. He wanted to finally this all out. He smirked a sick smirk and then jumped over to where he was previously sitting while...acting as himself. He plastered on an expression mixed with anger and hurt, before clawing the seat with his fingernails and then letting out a growl. He added sound effects of course: quickly switching over to Aizawa's voice and shouting "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?", he went back to himself and pointed accusingly at the seat.

"Just shut the hell up you damn panda! I will not sit here and take it anymore! You may call ME useless, but you yourself aren't all that useful either!" Matsuda kept raising his voice a little louder, impressed with how well he was pulling off the act(?). "Screw you, L! You know what? Y-you don't really do all that much work either! You call yourself a detective, but I've yet to see you find out ANY information or get ANY leads in what seems like months! Damn it, I know you can actually _move_! Why can't you use this ability to go get your OWN coffee? Or go get your own dangerously-sugared snacks and whatever else you drink! I'm not a delivery boy! ...Okay...I once considered working as a pizza delivery man...but...ugh! ANYWAY! I'm getting tired of it, 'kay?"

The person watching Matsuda just continued watching, creaking the door open a little bit more. But Matsuda unfortunately didn't hear it.

"And another thing! I don't appreciate how you always act like I do nothing! I break my neck trying to! MAYBE...I do get things mixed up sometimes...but everyone does that! I'm not perfect, neither are you!"

Matsuda flew over to the other couch and whipped out the glasses, once again switching over to Soichiro. He sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose, then started talking in the older man's voice.

"Matsuda, I think you've said enough. Just calm down and think before you spout off all that-"

Cutting himself off, Matsuda stuff the glasses back into his pocket and ran back over to where he was earlier standing when he started raising his voice at 'L'. He went back to pointing an accusing finger at the chair.

"I haven't said enough! He should hear the rest of this! L, listen closely, I'm just setting the record straight here and letting out my true thoughts: every day, you come in this building and spin around in your little spinning chair and stuff food into your piehole! You barely ever get your ass out and do something! If you really were as interested into this damn case as much as you CLAIM you are, then how come you can't get the gears in your brain to start turning and actually find out a few things? WE ARE GETTING NOWHERE! AND _ANOTHER _THING, I ALSO DON'T APPRECIATE THE WAY YOU TREAT ME LIKE AN OBJECT IN YOUR WAY! I'M A HUMAN, L, HUMAN! SOMEONE LIKE YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND THIS THOUGH-"

Matsuda's "act" was abruptly put to a pause. The bored and annoyed officer had randomly looked up at the doorway during his rant. And he saw someone standing in the completely open doorway watching him with their arms crossed. Who was this witness to his act?

...L.

So there was Matsuda, totally frozen in the position with him pointing accusingly at the empty chair and staring like a deer in the headlights at L. He was completely stunned and couldn't even move after realizing he was watching the whole thing. A crimson blush spread up from his neck to his face.

"Ah...h-how much of all that did you overhear?"

L just stood there with his usual blank expression. He closed his eyes and shook his head before uttering one sentence that summed things up pretty damn well, he thought.

"Matsuda, you idiot..."

_**End.**_

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**Poor Matsuda. ^^'**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it...or at least were a little amused. I know one thing though: I was amused while writing the parts with Matsuda imitating everyone. Hahaha...I somehow kind of picture Matsuda to be able to imitate everyone if he just REALLY tries very hard.**

**I know I could have had several things sum up the ending. But out of all of them, I think that one sentence summed things up well and showed L's thoughts about the craziness he witnessed!**

**BTW, here's an extra piece of information: after having witnessed Matsuda's weird act, L actually praised him later that day for the interesting way he could imitate everyone. He found a new lead in the case afterward, and allowed Matsuda to go sneak into this shady bar on the other side of the town and pretend to be one of the workers, but secretly getting information. It didn't work out so well...he was discovered and came back all beat up. L had once again started bossing him around, Aizawa's nose actually was broken by Light's punch, and the fact that Light's punch was that hard made L's suspicions of him being Kira rise sky high...**

**Well, that's it. :) Let me know what you thought about this story. And, for those of you who like _Near_...the next story will be about him with appearances by Mello, Matt, Roger, L, Watari, and hell even Beyond Birthday! ^^**

**Read and review. *Insert a smile full of hope here***


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